There were actually 2 "events" that exposed me to these kind of thoughts. First, is our chats with Federica that we have from time to time. 2 things I got to know about myself from her is that I'm a "chickie" cold girl. That actually made me think a lot as I've never considered myself to be chickie, not at all. Cold also no, maybe calm, but not cold.
The other thing is the Belbin test that we were doing today during DLD - I can remember at least 2 times I was doing it before. Today not so many things were changed - I definitely scored the most in "action oriented" types, in "Implementer" and "Shaper" particularly. That was not new. What was actually new is that I've noticed that I got scores below zero in "people oriented" types. Which made me quite disappointed - I don't know if it means that I'm totaly not a good person to work and communicate with...Additionally to that I started to think about other characteristics of me that I've heard from other people, feedbacks that I've received - well organized, too structured, not sharing dreams and emotions.
So I the image of me that came to my mind was quite strange. Then the evening came and I talked to an old friend of mine, who told that it's not possible to catch me and talk during IC because I'm always busy with meetings, working groups and other chats.
Then night came and I came back after party to read email and accidentally found my favourite quote website, so I decided to have a look at "My quotes". What I've noticied there is that there only 3 of them related to love and relationship and other relate more to achievments, accomplishments, excellence and changes.
Then night came and I came back after party to read email and accidentally found my favourite quote website, so I decided to have a look at "My quotes". What I've noticied there is that there only 3 of them related to love and relationship and other relate more to achievments, accomplishments, excellence and changes.
All of that created some sort of complications with conclusions:
1. I know what kind of value can I bring to work I'm doing (professionally). Without being shy I can say that I'm a good achiever. And that makes me confident of my career and my future.
2. But does that all mean that I'm not so good in intrapersonal relations and it's really very difficult to communicate with me? I didn't really find answer for this question, furthermore, I haven't come up with any kind of solution on how to improve that. Or is it something of my core, my essence that I don't realize? In fact it seems to me that I can be a good friend, and a good person to talk to and in general not so cold, structured and chickie. what is also funny is that it seems that being chickie and structured and cold totally contradicts to each other...
Should I use Johari window again or are there any better tools to evaluate yourself and see how otehrs see u?
In any way, I'm confused.. I'd be glad I guess to read some of your thoughts here?I wonder if a person can realize himself fully in his life? or whether the life is continious self - discovery?
Would the life be fun if you could know everything about yourself and tell it to others? Would be live there in a perfect world of in a world of manipulators?
and the last question - why people are not as easy as 1,2,3?:) maybe our life wouldn't be so funny then?:)
I'm kind of feeling the need to have a meaningful conversation about that issue, maybe somebody knows the answer. I wonder who could that be...
P.S. I don't know why I reminded myself of Fedor Mikhailovich Dostoevskiy and his Raskolnikov in "Crime and punishment". Maybe I should read it again since this is the book which I from time to time refer to in my discoveries:)
9 comments:
I think I sometimes have a similar "essence crisis" as you do.
One of the last thoughts that came to my mind is that, probably, there are just different ways of being social.
You may be different in interpersonal relationships, may even seem to be "cold", but, after all, quantity never means quality. And it's only you who evaluates your "friendship satisfaction level"
Of course, one might have some problems at work because of social qualities, but, after all, all people have demerits: others lack other things. You you never know, which is worse.
And the last thing: interpersonal qualities are very much dependent on cultural peculiarities and historical (ethnic) background. What is "cold" for some people, may seem "too hot" for others.
It is a greate pleasure that different people can describe you different way.
It shows us how deep is human being and also that discovery is a life-long process (special self discovery).
lucky you, i have to say.
I think your closest friends value your personality any ways and you don't need to develop additional characteristics to "earn" more friends.
My opinion is that nobody can reach everything(perfection). but we should combine our abilities into the common portrait of the ideal person.
The more different we are described - the closer to the ideal protrait we are.
With love from "people oriented" type
I totally understand you! When I introduce myself I say "Kamil from Morocco slash Poland" (slash is of course - /)which for some ppl sounds funny. Then I need to take some time to explain details.
But I'm trying to have fun out of this!
Enjoy IC and talk to u later ;)
Olya, really thanks for comment:)
when I was thinking about all of that I came to conclusion that it's rather difficult to change your very core qualities. and it that sense it makes more relevant to think about improving and leveraging on strength (definitely it's not my own idea, but after some time of thinking I agreed on that). The other thing is whether it's needed to try to improve weaknesses and what is that minimum extent to which one should try to do it?!
Zhenichka, I also enjoyed your post very much! I read it yesterday late at night and was going to sleep with your ideas:)
I do think a person should strive for perfection, but definition of perfection is rather subjective though. and what I'm wondering now (and maybe what determined my post) is to how to define this perfection state for me, what could be the tools to use. DLD was not so useful in practical terms, but quite thought provoking:)
Kamil, funny thing for me is that I'm saying Ukraine subconsicously. It just pops up:) and then I'm of course explaining the whole story behind!
Do you think we'll change by the end of the year?:)
oh yes, i think i've already started to change! i've just posted a message about how i began to confuse polish words! i'm really afraid i may lose my native language!
see you
Mashulya, privet!
there are 2 things i want to say 1) is that i would nevere ever in my life discribe you as a cold person, or a person who is not able to have good interpersonal ralations, it was you who made me think very comfortable in ukraine
2) i think that a person cen never know oneself - we can think that we know, but that's not true, coz a human being is so much complicated, that thinking that the model/image about ourselves that we have in our head is the true reality is not wise to my mid. We put different labels on ourselves, and then stick to them, forgetting about living in the present and enjoying the moment... I have much more thoughts about it and have been planning to write about it for quite a lot time, hope will manage it soon :))))
Enjoy the IC!
Hi, Mashka!
You are a bit crazy to put all these opinions into your heart! Not everybody are people-oriented and this is normal! We need those who are result-oriented and you should unerstand why. As for me, I think you are one of the best person I've ever met in my life. If you weren't totally people-oriented, than you didn't have any friend even in Ukraine. Look at you blog-lists and read all the comments. It's not a surprise that you are very communicative and interesting person!
Kisses, hugs!
Julia
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