Being on my own

Yesterday, I read at Ira's blog about feeling safe and happy at UK. I didn't have any thoughts about at that moment. But just couple of hours later I was exposed to some thoughts around the topic.

I'll not tell the whole story how happened that I was in the middle of nowhere in Milan at 23.15 at night, not knowing where I am, not knowing how to get back home because the metro station was closed, being not able to ask for help of Italians around, not knowing any taxi number and being pretty confused in general.

I was walking along the street trying to find out solutions how to call taxi or get to city center and I saw a bus coming to the bus stop right next to me. Accidentally, that was the only bus number I knew in Milan and I knew that theoretically it's supposed to pass trough piazzale Lotto, which is relatively close to Via Andora. So I jumped in.

I was the only girl in the whole bus and the person one who had a ticket. I was never prejeduced towards people of any nationality or social status. But the way those men at the buswere staring at me, made me think that the way people behave is not influenced by nationality but by social environment and lifestyle. Basically, one exposed to certain environment will unconciously become a true reflection of the environment regardless his origin and most probably regardless his previous experiences. My thoughts on that subject should be a topic of a separate post.

30 mins in that I've spent in the bus trying not to put attention men winking to me, commenting me and trying to get to know me better etc., were the worst in few past months. On the other hand, maybe you've noticed already, I got used to practice "positive thinking" to most of situations happening and also taking some learnings from whatever happens to me. That helped:) I went out on my bus stop, one of those nice men went out with me, waited for few minutes near me and left since I was to staying close to people that still were on the steets. I run, yes, almost run back home. On my way back at Via Diomede, I saw some prostitues, typical view of night Milan:) Curiousity - they are alone on the street at night, waiting for I don't know how long, what are they thinking about while waiting for clients. They could have soo much time for thoughts and reflection, but do they ever do it..I guess it's rather a rhetorical question...

In any way, I was happy, really happy to come back home, close the door, see people, drink tea, eat cake and feel SECURE (well, opportunity to see big Wagner's polecat is not a big danger after all:)).

I shared my adventure with Fede and Anna. I didn't call them since I didn't want to bother them and didn't really believe that they will be willing to help. A good thing to know was that I was wrong:) they care! Then I talked to Alba, some of her words made me think again.

The bus I took is considered to be the most dangerous bus in Milan at night, it's called "immigrants bus" since it goes to North of Milan to disctricts where only were poor immigrants live (I never actually knew about this disctricts), that's why you can't see any Italians there at night. And I was kind of lucky to get out safe without anything stolen.

That all made me think about choices that people make - I could have went to Toastmasters instead of party, I could have went to night club, I could have stayed at home after all. But I've made a choice and got what I was supposed to get. Now I know what feeling unsecure really is, what does it mean that you are on your own and there is almost nobody in the whole city, who will be willing to go to help you. You'll be surprised, but yesterday I re-discovered what does it mean to take responsibility for your choices and actions. And actually confirmed to myself that life is a succession of lessons that must be lived to be understood. There is no other way.

P.S. if you think I'm depressed or sad, I'm not:) I know I still need to learn not only to think positive, but also to express myself positive! But I'm on the right way I'm sure:)