Just 3 months left until the end of my Italian experience. I can’t believe it on the one hand. It still feels like it’s just the beginning, autumn or something around there. On the other hand, so many things have happened, so many places visited, so many new people, different emotions, feelings and thoughts. And so many things changed in my understanding of how things are and what am I.
Uncertainty is a key word describing my state of mind these days.
I have a deep inner discussion– a rational part of me says that it’s time to grow up, apply for a job and start bringing benefit and income to some giant corporation, get my salary, plan my life until 60s and draw a visualization board with big house, red car, happy family, parachute jump, travels during holidays and all other things people usually put there. And do everything as it’s supposed to be – slowly but surely, from manager to senior, step by step. Another part of me, let’s call it “nonconformist” says that I still have time and capacity to do something different, to do something more. I’m thinking about going to some strange place like Sri Lanka, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Africa, Venezuela…to some “middle of nowhere” to live intense cultural experience, to understand world better, to challenge my limits.
Watching, reading, thinking, I’m coming to a conclusion that I’m less rational then people think I am, less safe then people think I’m, and less predictable…
I know I can be successful in working for multinational and I can be well-off until 30, living in comfort wherever I want, having all attributes of modern life style. But I don’t know if that is something what would bring some meaning to my life and whether I can make a difference living like that. This is something that a lot of people, given right conditions, can do. But some dare to do more. But I still can’t understand if I dare or not.
Some say I’m thinking too much and sometimes it’s better to just let it go and see what happens, but I keep on thinking but on the other hand having my CV ready and EP form available.
Uncertainty is a key word describing my state of mind these days.
I have a deep inner discussion– a rational part of me says that it’s time to grow up, apply for a job and start bringing benefit and income to some giant corporation, get my salary, plan my life until 60s and draw a visualization board with big house, red car, happy family, parachute jump, travels during holidays and all other things people usually put there. And do everything as it’s supposed to be – slowly but surely, from manager to senior, step by step. Another part of me, let’s call it “nonconformist” says that I still have time and capacity to do something different, to do something more. I’m thinking about going to some strange place like Sri Lanka, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Africa, Venezuela…to some “middle of nowhere” to live intense cultural experience, to understand world better, to challenge my limits.
Watching, reading, thinking, I’m coming to a conclusion that I’m less rational then people think I am, less safe then people think I’m, and less predictable…
I know I can be successful in working for multinational and I can be well-off until 30, living in comfort wherever I want, having all attributes of modern life style. But I don’t know if that is something what would bring some meaning to my life and whether I can make a difference living like that. This is something that a lot of people, given right conditions, can do. But some dare to do more. But I still can’t understand if I dare or not.
Some say I’m thinking too much and sometimes it’s better to just let it go and see what happens, but I keep on thinking but on the other hand having my CV ready and EP form available.
